A rather deep topic for my first entry, what whatever.

Emotions make no sence. I don't believe they are meant to but it would be helpful if they did. I would not mind so much if I felt quite contented or some other positive emotion, but I am unfortunately blessed with being rather gloomy of late. More than gloomy I must admit. Sometimes I wonder why I bother getting up at all in the morning; would it not be easier to just stay in bed and dream? My dreams are much more pleasant than reality as far as I am aware. If it isn't some stupid fertiliser that makes you want to puke your guts up it's something else just as harrowing or substanitally worse that I must face.

I miss so many people, people who have left, people I had to move away from, people who are just plain far away and people I am yet to leave behind. And then there's that goddamn representation crap they always go on about at stupid life coaching sessions; "you miss these people because the represent something you are missing in your life"
my ass! I miss them because I'm not with them and I enjoy their company. But what if these people are right? What else is there to miss?

For some reason I keep getting all teary eyed of late. Someone said something today, I cannot even recall what it was, and I almosts lost it and broke down in tears. Held it in long enough to leave the room and go elsewhere by which time I was distracted long enough to push the tears back down. It seems to be more and more of a mission, a struggle, an expedition to keep them down every time it happens. Happened just the other night. Having a lovely converstation with a friend until the wee hours of the morning and several times I almost began to have Niagara Falls on my goddamn face.

But to be honest, I wonder, what the hell are emotions really? What is it that makes us feel so bad? What are they really, simply? Why do we have them? What is the point?